My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
