bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He kissed a someone with a penis
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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