I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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