Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
