look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You need Xanax blowdarts
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
