I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
