I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
