If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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