A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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