Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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