I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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