and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
