I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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