you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
