Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize