I molested 6 butterflies tonight
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
