i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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