I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
