first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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