life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
