Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
