I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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