I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
