Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize
