this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He did a backflip because drugs
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
