I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize