I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
