So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
