lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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