I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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