i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
