Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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