every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
