Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
