i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
