my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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