Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
i've created a new STD.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
