I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
