Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
