the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
