just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
