i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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