dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
two words...techno handjob
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
