Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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