I just made out with a guy for $7.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize