Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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