Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
