just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
