Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
