He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
There are leaves in my underwear?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
