Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
