did you get engaged???
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Panties = found
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
