too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
