I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
