take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize