Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
