I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
