Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize