I want to have your abortion
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just gift wrapped bread.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
