The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
