if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
