Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
