i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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