i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
