Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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