The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
