ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
