when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
