You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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