even my farts smell like vagina
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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