So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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