My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
