69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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