I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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